In our first assignment our teacher, Marika, wants us to tell her about what experiences I would like the children of the world to have, as they grow up. What is the most important thing for a child? What are the responsibilities of the adult world?
The experiences I would give all the children in the world if I could, can be summerized into these words:
Love Peace Freedom
These things are important for a child. I will explain why I think that:
To be loved is the most important thing, I think, and that is why I put that word first. I child who doesn´t get love or doesn´t get pampered will get (as I wish everyone knew) severe problems or even damages, that wont be repairable. There are too many children in the world who don´t get love! I would like every child in the world to experience love. Love from their parents or other important adults. If you are loved you can tolerate a lot of things that may happen to you. You have something to fall back on to.
To live in peace is another important ingredient for a happy upbringing, and further, a happy life. Many children live their whole childhood in countries in war. Don´t you wish for these children to have peace instead. To live in peace in the family is also important. Too many children lives in families with frequent violence. I would like every child in the world to experience peace.
Freedom is a word that includes many different things. Freedom can mean free from anyone who will do you harm. Freedom can mean free from feeling cold. Freedom can mean free from poverty. Freedom can mean free from hunger, and so on. Thats why I chose the word Freedom, it can mean so much! And I choose to only see the positive sides of the word!! I would like every child in the world to experience freedom - att all time!
The responsebilities of the adult world is to make all those things real and to make them happen. We have to give our children love, peace and freedom. We have to teach the children the importance, and the meanings, of these words aswell. And we must help them, who can´t give their children these things.
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Dear Annelie,
SvaraRaderaJust like you, I wish every child would be surrounded by love, peace and freedom. That would be truly fantastic!
Your text is neatly structured, and you deal with one thought per paragraph.
I think meta comments such as "and that is why I put that word first" in paragraph 2 (1?) are really superfluos and make the reader lose focus on the message of the text and think about its structure instead.
In paragraph 3, you write "and so on", and I think a reader would have appreciated to get a few more examples instead, like freedom from health problems or the alike.
In your closing paragraph you point out what we as adults have to do in order to give our children better lives: give, teach and help. You repeat your main themes, which makes the closing more powerful.
As to language, don't forget the apostrophe in contractions, e.g. won't. Also, think about subject-verb agreement, e.g.: "many children lives" - live! You write: "att all time", which should be "at all times".
Best,
Marika
I think you have written a warm and interesting text about what you think is important for children.
SvaraRaderaAs a reader, I think your text is easy to follow, because you start each paragraph with a sentence containing one of the words in your headline. The text is well structured with several transitional devices, for example in your paragraph where you describe love. You keep hold of your unit of thoughts so that your text makes sense.
Your last paragraph points out how important it is for children to grow up with love, peace and freedom. I think this last paragraph works as a summary and a good closure.
Since I don´t speak or write English as my first language, I have difficulties to correct you. But I have noticed that you have written “I” instead of “a” in following sentence; “I child who doesn´t get love…” I also think you ought to have a question mark in your sentence; “Don´t you wish for these children to have peace instead.”
Thank you for an interesting text. Of course I agree with you and it would be wonderful if every child could grow up with love, peace and freedom. Let´s do what we can to make it happen!
Hello Annelie!
SvaraRaderaI wrote my comment after the picture you've added...sorry, hope you'll find it anyay!!
Ulrica
Hello Annelie,
SvaraRaderait was nice reading your blog and it made me think of what a wonderful world we could create for the children if your wishes could come true. I´m impressed of your structure and also your varied language.
The summarizing in the three words you did in the beginning was also great. That made it easy to follow your continuing thoughts. The three words were then coming back in the three following paragraphs. You keep to the theme all through the blog and your message is so clear.
The conclusion you did at the end of your text is connected to the question in your introduction and I think that´s good.
The reader can easily follow the train of thoughts with your good linking devices.
Comments and Best wishes
Birgitta